I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime. - satooshi-nakamooshi

The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead I though he wanted a hug so I hugged him. - Gabriel_Issimo

I convinced myself that I could really walk and it was just mind over matter, and despite my boyfriend and friends telling me not to, I rose up from my wheelchair and promptly fell under the pub table. I was covered in bruises, and I had a sore rear-end for days. My boyfriend and his best mate had to retrieve me from under the table. - Blackcat1206

Not dumbest but laziest. I microwaved something and when I opened the door to get it, because it wasn't centered on the turning plate, it was a bit further from the door. So I closed it and restarted the microwave another 5 seconds to get it closer to me so I didn't have to reach so far back to get it. - Mathinpozani

I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick. - TeHNyboR

One night I go in the backyard to get high. I leave the backyard lights off so that my older neighbors can’t see what I’m doing cause I’m immature like that lol. I got a glass of ice water in one hand and I stepped into my pitch black backyard.

Every time I move I hear a sound like there is an animal stalking me in the many bushes in my backyard. Whenever I stop the sound stops but once I start moving again it sounds to me like the leaves in the bushes in our backyard are rustling and there is an animal in them. If I try to go back toward my back door the sound follows me. If I move further into the backyard the sound follows me.

I am legit freaking out thinking there is a big animal stalking me in my backyard. Turns out it was just the ice in my drink clinking every time I moved. I never felt so stupid in my life. - Scarlaymama0721

Almost gave myself hypothermia. While on a hike I picked up a big a** rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it. Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car. - RotundMarmot

Needed to go into the gas station to get another dutch. Noticed for whatever reason my best friend's boyfriend had a full chicken costume in the backseat. I decided it would be funny to wear JUST the mask into the gas station. Didn't realize how bad I f**ked up til the girl at the register started screaming for the guy in the back room. They had just been robbed 2 weeks prior. - hippiesoul03

A sober friend put the other high guys phone in my bag. I found it funny so I left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me. Later on an alarm goes off, so I go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand. - Hanazzo

Once I was eating a burrito like a ravenous beast and straight up bit my own finger. Another time I was gaming and my hands were cold, as I can get bad circulation. Well I sat there thinking “man it would be great if they made socks, but for your hands” and thought I had a great idea. 10 seconds go by and then “Oh yeah, gloves!” Had a good laugh at myself for that one. - Poxalox

Playing video games with my bro, split screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall. - GrandmasBoy85

I was typing on the computer and kept trying to make the numbers uppercase because I couldn’t figure out why I was just getting %]%*]+. - bubblegumbreeze

Once I was looking at the moon and I was just noticing the details in it, and I took a step forward to get a closer look like a dumba**. - LoosKiii

I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were. - goatedmomoshiki

I got super blazed one night near the beginning of pandemic lockdown, and went across the street to the drugstore to get some chips and such. As I approached the automatic glass doors I saw a person standing on the other side, so I waited for them to come through. I stood there waiting for what felt like an eternity. I was getting frustrated, like “what’s up with this clown? Can't they see I’m waiting for them?” Then i realized it was just my reflection. - hemingward

This one time I was in front of my TV watching "comedians in cars getting coffee." I had my bong on the coffee table between me and the TV. I am seeing Jerry Seinfeld driving someone in new York and suddenly I can see a cop car joining their lane behind them. I quietly and slowly took the bong down on the floor so the cops can't see it. - osvalds1

Was holding my cereal in one hand and phone in the other. Went to toss the phone on my bed, tossed the cereal instead. - PinkPowerRanger13

I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a large chocolate Coke. - sean20317

3 of us went to Dunkin Donuts. Ordered 3 dozen. Left them all there on the counter and didn’t notice until we got home. Had to go back. Because donuts. - zenniezou

I forgot how 3D works. I was looking at a window and didn't realize why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer yeah makes sense. - ClosetBoy1213