Quick Man

On paper, Quick Man sounds kind of scary. He is a robot master who uses his speedy attacks to fight Mega Man.

However, “Quick Man” is also one of the worst names you can have. Do you really want to be known as the guy who always finishes first?

Commando Man

Can nudity be a weapon? It depends on how you look. Or if you’re an evil robot.

“Commando Man” certainly sounds like a dude who is fighting without wearing any underwear. Maybe Mega Man could loan this dude some blue briefs before he has to register as a sex offender?

Snake Man

Snake Man is one of those villains where the design philosophy was “he’s a robot, only not really.” Towards this end, he is like a big, humanoid snake.

But we all know that “snake” has been sexual slang for a penis for centuries. And the robot snakes he sends to fight Mega Man look like the kind of marital aids Mega Man will need to ask Dr. Light about once he is a little older!

Crystal Man

Get equipped with...Breaking Bad?

Crystal Man is a fairly generic bad guy, but his name certainly echoes crystal meth. Maybe that’s the real secret behind his “crystal eye” attack--he just wants to finish this fight and go back to his drug operation.

Plug Man

Plug Man has the kind of dirty name that can be taken multiple ways. For example, some players might see the name as a reference to drug dealers (also known as plugs).

Of course, “plug” is also slang for sexual intercourse. And considering that Plug Man fights with a “plug ball,” it sounds like things are about to get a bit kinky in that boss room.

Splash Woman

Splash Woman made history in the Mega Man franchise by being the first (and currently only) female robot master. And that history ended up being a bit dirty.

The name “Splash Woman” already reeks of innuendo. But this boss also lives in a deadly water stage that Mega Man has to navigate. In other words, Splash Woman tries to kill your character by making you really, really wet!

Drill Man

Sometimes, we don’t have to look far for sexual metaphors. Sometimes, they are drilling us right in the face!

“Drill Man” already sounds like a pretty killer username on Grindr. But the fact that he fights you by penetrating Mega Man’s body and drilling deeply takes this whole thing over the top.

Flash Man

Is Mega Man about to get cat-called? That may or may not happen, but he does have to deal with a freaky boss named Flash Man.

In a truly unfortunate bit of synergy, Flash Man’s power freezes time. Is that to force people to look at his (literally) sculpted body? Capsules don’t equal consent, buddy!

Slash Man

Did someone say “fanfiction?” With “slash” right there in his name, we can only assume that Slash Man is here to pen that Mega Man x Proto Man fic you’ve always wanted.

And take a close look at those “slash claws” he has. This guy is basically fighting you in his Wolverine cosplay and wants to go back to work writing his robot erotica.

Junk Man

The boring reason for Junk Man’s name is clear. He is a robot master that has been cobbled together out of spare parts.

Then again, all of the other robots were cobbled together in the same way. And they don’t go around with names that reference their damn robot genitalia!

Hard Man

As far as dirty Mega Man bosses go, Hard Man has it all. The name makes it sound like he is bragging about his erection, and his appearance makes him look like a giant robot penis.

But in a real plot twist, he attacks you with his “hard knuckle,” which is basically a punch. That’s right: Hard Man triumphs by fisting Mega Man until our heroic robot explodes.

Top Man

Is Mega Man a top or a bottom? Normally, we’d be spared having to consider the sexual proclivities of the Blue Bomber.

But after he fought Top Man, it’s a natural question to ask. After all, how many heroes can say they have been aggressively topped by their villains?

Maybe the villain is just threatening to give our hero top. We’ll need to research this further.

Pump Man

“Pump Man.” What can we really say here? It sounds like he will be “attacking” Mega Man in a way you can only read about in fanfiction.

It doesn’t help that his weapon is a water hose. So after Pump Man gets really worked up, he sprays Mega Man into submission.

Plant Man

Are you holding, Mega Man? After fighting robots with names like “Plant Man,” we can only assume that Mega Man is carrying the very best cannabis.

Sadly, Plant Man is a pretty angry dude. He’d probably be a lot more mellow if he started getting high off his own supply! After that, his fiercest attack would be sinking into the couch and falling asleep.

Wood Man

As dirty names go, “Wood Man” is pretty straightforward. His name makes it sound like his power comes from shooting out erect penises.

That would have been weird. But honestly, probably a scarier attack than his real weapon: gently falling leaves!