The Penetrator (Saints Row the Third)

In Saints Row the Third, one of your weapons is a meter-long dildo attached to a baseball bat.

It’s funny in the game, but an actual model of this thing was sent to game magazines and sites to promote the title.

Can you imagine bringing a date home and having to explain what the hell this thing is?

Condoms (Infamous: Second Son)

Different countries get different promotional items, and some are pretty wild.

For example, Italy’s pre-order bonus for Infamous: Second Son was glow-in-the-dark condoms and Red Bull.

That’s one way to announce that a game is “coming” soon.

Toilet Paper (Star Fox Adventures)

Circuit City shoppers who pre-ordered Star Fox Adventures for GameCube got a “survival kit.”

It included green apple soda, temporary tattoos, a door hanger, and some air freshener.

But the weirdest item was toilet paper that included game tips, which was definitely a step up from wiping your ass with pages you printed out from GameFaqs.

Headless Bikini Torso (Dead Island)

Some promo items aren’t just embarrassing: they’re enough to make your date phone in a call to the police.

At least that’s the case with this headless bikini torso you could get for pre-ordering Dead Island: Riptide Zombie Bait.

Unless you’re Tom Savini, you can’t really get away with having weird crap like this around your house.

Sonic the Hedgehog Costume

Sonic the Hedgehog has had many costumes, but this is the official costume for the live-action movie.

It allows you to look like Sonic with a human face. We imagine this is horrifying for 99% of people and a wild fetish for the remaining 1%.

Tuna Can (Seaman)

Ever try to explain the Seaman game for Dreamcast to someone? It’s a great way to feel like you’re having a stroke.

This promo item makes it even weirder. “Seaman of the Sea” was a fake tuna can that played the voice of Seaman, Leonard Nimoy.

It’s too bad there aren’t any less embarrassing ways to hear Nimoy’s voice, huh?

“Sexy” Mario Bros. Costumes

Halloween gives plenty of people an excuse to dress sexy, but what if nothing is sexier than stomping Goombas and fighting Bowser?

These “sexy” Mario Bros. costumes allow gals to dress up like Mario and Luigi.

If you’re wondering if the ladies get to wear the iconic mustaches, the answer is “hell yes.” But why no Princess Peach costume for the fellas?

Church’s Chicken Coupon (Soulcalibur IV)

It’s one thing for a promo to be a weird external item. But what about when the promo comes with the damn game?

Those who bought Soulcalibur IV got a weird surprise: a $1 off coupon for Church’s Chicken.

While I love some fried chicken, it’s crazy to think about bringing in a fighting game coupon to prove that I’m a bad enough dude for some discount chicken.

Then again, a modern coupon for a Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich would probably be a crazy hit, so what do I know?

Sonic the Hedgehog Curry

Some embarrassing promos become the stuff of meme legend, and that’s the case with this official Sonic the Hedgehog Curry.

When prepared right, this curry is supposed to look like Sonic, but most people’s plates looked more like “Sonic.exe” creepy pasta come to life.

If you’re wondering if this will make your poop blue, the answer is “yes,” and the toilet water as well.

Chainsaw Controller (Resident Evil 4)

A good promo has to both look cool and serve some function. This infamous Resident Evil 4 PS2 controller certainly looks cool and makes for a centerpiece item for any fan.

But it can be hard to actually use it as a controller, making the whole thing kinda useless for anyone that can’t adjust to the controls.

Tetris Interactive Dress

In a #MeToo world, it’s fairly insane to create a dress that encourages strangers to touch you. But that’s the case with this interactive Tetris dress that lets people stick different pieces to you.

The whole thing is made of cheap material, and if you wear it, you’re going to hear jokes about “sliding a long piece in” the entire night.

Resident Evil Cologne

Move over, Resident Evil candle, here's a more definitive answer to what the franchise smells like.

This official Capcom Resident Evil cologne is designed to look like a T-Virus container. The scent wasn’t half-bad, but why would someone want to transform themselves into a soulless monster when they put on cologne?

Just let the workday suck the life out of you like the rest of us, zombie boy.

Football (Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag)

What do you think of when you think of the Assassin’s Creed franchise? Personally, I think “this franchise should have died years ago.”

But with this pre-order item, it’s clear Ubisoft expected their fans to...really love throwing a miniature football around?

Plenty of developers drop the ball when it comes to promotional items. But this may be the one time someone dropped the ball by actually giving a ball away.

Boxer Shorts (Catherine)

Those who bought the Love Is Over edition of Catherine got a strange item: polka-dot boxer shorts.

They're meant to look exactly like the boxers worn by Vincent in the game’s nightmare sequences.

It’s a neat idea, but we’ve gotta ask: how many people really want to cosplay as a man spiraling through a series of sexual nightmares?

Metal Gear Regain Energy Drink

Solid Snake is famous for munching on rations. Outside of the games, Snake helps to market a line of Regain energy drinks, even appearing in various Japanese commercials.

What makes this even weirder is that they took a famously independent character who warned us about corporations and media control and turned him into a mascot shilling energy drinks.

The Penetrator (Saints Row the Third)

In Saints Row the Third, one of your weapons is a meter-long dildo attached to a baseball bat.

It’s funny in the game, but an actual model of this thing was sent to game magazines and sites to promote the title.

Can you imagine bringing a date home and having to explain what the hell this thing is?