12 Strange Things We All Do When No One Else Is Looking
Nathan Johnson
Published
10/23/2015
people are weird as hell and they act a whole lot weirder when they think no one can see what they are doing
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1.
Peeing in the shower. Don’t lie, everyone does this so just admit it to yourself and everything will go a lot smoother. The reason there is so much stigma around this is because it’s perceived as dirty but actually it saves water and is better for the environment. Besides, it’s not like you’re pissing in the sink or in a bush and we all know that happens a lot so just put your shoulders back, stand tall and let it flow. -
2.
Sitting or laying down in the shower. This is commonly thought of as bad behavior but it’s incredibly comfortable. If you have a small shower you can sit down, relax and fantasize that you’re underneath a waterfall on some tropical island. If you’ve got a bit more room then stretch out and lie down because this is what heaven feels like. Hell why not just watch a movie on your laptop and eat an ice-cream because it’s your house damn it and your freedom allows you to do whatever the hell you want in the comfort of your own home. -
3.
Talking to yourself. So you’ve found yourself alone, don’t panic, just have a good old talk to yourself because you need that you time and who knows what you need to talk about better than yourself. Don’t worry it’s not a sign you’re going crazy and you don’t have to be stuck on a desert island for five years to do it either. -
4.
Loving your own weird smells. People sniff themselves all the time. Armpits, butt gas, general sweat, they all get a good sniff from time to time and in the immortal words of Mike Myers “everyone likes their own brand”. -
5.
Dancing naked. It’s no surprise that we like walking around the way God intended, especially if you’re in love with your own body. So crack out that birthday suit. Being naked is such a freeing experience that we don’t tend to stop there. We turn up the music while acting out the scene from risky business but, you know, completely naked. Guys are also fascinated with their own manhood so don’t be surprised if your boyfriend’s turning himself into a helicopter when you’ve gone out for groceries. -
6.
Performing in the shower. The acoustics are just better in there. When you’re all alone in your shower it won’t be uncommon for you to grab the shampoo bottle and pretend that you’re a superstar. Suddenly you’re in a huge stadium with thousands of adoring fans belting out “Bohemian Rhapsody” from the stage putting Freddie Mercury to shame. -
7.
People watching. It’s weird but we just love watching each other. Yes it’s a little bit creepy but we all do it. You’ve undoubtedly walked into a room and felt like there were 30 pairs of eyes following you. It’s an uncomfortable experience but as we have already established, people are weird and we are fascinated with our own weirdness. -
8.
Looking up your exes on Facebook. This is not a good idea but we’ve all been there. If you go to your ex-girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s page you’re going to see photos of them looking like the happiest person in the world with their new partner. It’s almost like they are laughing in your depressed face, those smug a%#holes. -
9.
Preparing for the worst case scenario. You’ve definitely scouted for exits before or thought about the possibility of a gun wielding mad man gunning people down at your local Olive Garden. So while your stocking your bomb shelter or training for the zombie apocalypse, know that we all get scared sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with being prepared for that alien invasion. -
10.
Being the center of attention. In your mind, you’re pretty awesome and you don’t know why the rest of the world hasn’t figured it out yet. If life is a movie, you’re the Hollywood hero; if it’s a concert, you’re a rock god and if you’re running down the street everyone needs to get out of the way because you only have 60 seconds to diffuse the bomb before it kills everyone. -
11.
Eating yourself. Eating your nails, picking your nose or teeth, biting off dead skin – life is just one big feast and you’re own body is the main course. This is something habitually comforting about these activities. Let’s just call it now, people are disgusting and we are all in the same smelly, filthy boat. -
12.
Sizing other people up. If you’re a guy, you’re totally trying to imagine kicking that other guys ass and if s%#t went down right now, you’re pretty sure you could take him. If you’re a girl you’ve already sized up that girl/guy that’s walked down the street and their clothes, make-up and goofy walking style. We all size people up and judge them everyday but we keep it to ourselves because what kind of world would it be if we actually told other people what we thought of them?
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