10 Characters Who Are Probably Into Kinky Sh*t
PocketEpiphany
Published
08/13/2021
in
wtf
We only know so much about video game personalities. It usually boils down to things like “this character is nice” and “this character is mean.”
But read between the lines and you can discover who is really, really freaky. Here is the definitive list of game characters who are probably into some really kinky stuff!
But read between the lines and you can discover who is really, really freaky. Here is the definitive list of game characters who are probably into some really kinky stuff!
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1.
Bowser
Part of Bowser’s kinkiness is pretty obvious. After all, this is the guy whose go-to move is kidnapping women and then taking them back to his sex freak castle.
But the real weirdness comes with Bowser’s family. Originally, all those Koopalings were supposed to be Bowser’s children, but this was retconned in later games. And you know what that means.
Bowser was banging multiple women to crank out all those kids around the same age. Nintendo tried to cover up this scandal with a retcon, but we know that Bowser found a whole freaky harem of ladies that want to “do the dinosaur.” -
2.
Protagonist of Boyfriend Dungeon
As of this writing, the game Boyfriend Dungeon hasn’t come out yet. But we can already tell the protagonist is destined for the kinky character hall of fame.
That’s because the game is all about dating weapons to make them more effective. No, really: your swords and other weapons can transform into living beings, and you can woo and even bang them so you have more success when fighting in dungeons.
Oh, there is also a transforming cat, but devs promise your relationship with it is strictly “platonic.” The fact they needed to add this disclaimer means that this game is going to be a real freakshow. -
3.
Solid Snake
Solid Snake is a very...well...solid character. He is the man we can rely on to save the world from insane villains, nuclear threats, rogue AIs, and much more.
But he is also pretty weird. He openly tells people about his fetish for nice asses, and he takes a joke about Naomi strip-searching him as a promise of nookie once he gets back. This is when he’s not hitting on Mei Ling and trying to bang his boss’s daughter.
If that’s not kinky enough, a cutscene in Metal Gear Solid 2 shows us that simply seeing a pretty picture in a locker will cause Snake to jump inside the locker and begin masturbating. If you’re wondering why he didn’t stop Liquid Snake in time, now you know! -
4.
Joey Leone
The name Joey Leone may not immediately ring a bell for you. However, this is the character who runs Joey’s Garage in Grand Theft Auto III. And he seems to be kinky on a couple of levels.
First of all, his girlfriend is a prostitute named Misty. This alone shows us that Joey is pretty open-minded about sex in a game filled with possessive mobsters.
Second of all, he spends his spare time working on a car called the BF Injection. Any dude who drives around with a vehicle nicknamed the “Beef Injection” is definitely into some pretty weird shit! -
5.
Duke Nukem
Nobody should be surprised that Duke Nukem is a kinky weirdo. That’s like being surprised that water is wet.
In Duke Nukem 3D, we see him cavort with strippers, joke about public masturbation, and frequently talks about a stacked lady named “Lani” that he misses banging.
And in the awful Duke Nukem Forever, he hooks up with the “Holsom twins” (a play on the Olsen twins and a verification that Duke loves incest-filled threesomes). The ladies end up exploding later in an homage to all of the other women Duke has failed to save over these games. -
6.
Zagreus
Part of what made Hades a breakout hit was that it was multiple games rolled into one. Some people came for the hack and slash gameplay and others came for the fun Greek mythology references. And some, of course, came for the freaky romances!
The protagonist Zagreus seems to be pretty sexually flexible. Over the course of the game, you can hit on Thanatos (basically the Grim Reaper), Megaera (a freaky Fury with wings), and even Dusa (literally a floating Medusa head).
In fact, you can romance all three at once. And anyone clearly working on an epic underworld orgy is a kinky cat in our book. -
7.
Ayla
For the most part, Chrono Trigger is not a kinky game. But this doesn’t mean certain kinky elements didn’t make it into various characters.
Ayla is a great example of this. This tough cavewoman ancestor of Marle makes it pretty clear that she likes both men and women (in particular, she likes the wacky inventor Lucca). While simply being bi doesn’t make Ayla super kinky, we also have later scenes where she literally pushes Kino around, including pushing him up against walls.
Considering Kino is her future husband, Ayla makes it clear that this dude better get used to some rough stuff in the bedroom with his gal’s bi-wife energy. -
8.
Battletoads
You might not immediately think “weird and kinky” when you think about the Battletoads. If you’re lucky, these weird reptiles don’t make you think about sex at all.
But we can’t rule out the fact that their chief enemy is the Dark Queen. And before her awful redesign, the Dark Queen was mostly known for her voluptuous curves and weird dominatrix outfit.
We can only assume that the Battletoads kept going past that awful speeder bike level because they wanted to be punished by this mommy dom in person. Honestly, if Professor T. Bird let these guys watch Pornhub on the ship, they could have gotten much of this out of their system. -
9.
Dracula
It’s kind of weird to think of Dracula as a video game character. After all, this is a famous literary character and star of the screen and stage. But he’s also the chief villain that Castlevania’s Simon Belmont must face.
The Netflix Castlevania show has given us a few looks at Dracula’s kinky tendencies. But the kinkiness of this character is really built into him: he exists to prey on others, especially young women, and he hangs out in a strange castle filled with flying Medusa heads.
Dracula, risking getting turned to stone just for a shot at that flying, freaky monster mouth? Stay weird, Transylvania! -
10.
Tenzou Motesugi
Does the name Tenzou Motesugi not ring a bell? If you don’t know, this is the name of the protagonist in the loved-by-perverts game Gal Gun.
In this game, you have to shoot girls with a pheromone gun to keep them from mauling you because they are filled with uncontrollable lust. On paper, that may not sound so weird. But there are some other details that give us valuable context.
Basically, when the girls you shoot fall over, they make noises and gestures that clearly indicate you have made them orgasm. Oh, and the devs had to throw in a patch for the 360 version so players could no longer look up these girls’ skirts quite as easily, but they kept the freaky hentai tentacle monsters.
Maybe the lesson here is that the real kinky characters are the players we met along the way!
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