As your newly elected dictator, I promise you that  for the next four years:

I will do my best to outlaw Catholocism, Baptists, The Klu Klux Klan, and any other Christ-based religion.
Ammend the constitution so that the FDA requires all food be blessed by a Rabbi or an Imam.
All African Americans will recieve double the salary that white people do, plus a $400 Kwanzaa bonus.
I will ressurect Sadam Hussein and put him back in charge of Iraq.
I will replace the 4th of july with Rosa Parks day; Veterans Day will become Crack Whore Memorial day.
The Twin Towers will be reconstructed, then blown up a second time.
I will invite known terrorists into the white house for tea and crumpets.
Since genocide is an effective way of dealing with problems, it will be used to resolve the question of illegal immigrants.
I prefer my name to be spelled Hussein Anti-Christ Stubbs. The pronunciation will still be the same.
I will kill anyone who realizes I used my mastery of hypnosis to win the election.
I will officially destroy capitalism with my bare hands on live T.V.
All Americans will be required to eat ACORNs.
I will impregnate all underage girls, then force half of them to give birth and the other half I will force to have abortions.
On an episode of WWE, I will put God through the table.
I have already written the official pardon for Osama...because his name sounds like mine.
I will not only make Gay Marriage legal, I will make it law that everyone must turn gay by 9/11/11.
I will give Bill O'Reilly the Congressional Medal of Honor for being so crazy he made me look stable.
I will make Hanna Montana mine and force it to be broadcast in HD on PBS.
All of the United States Secrets, including your credit card numbers, will be sold to China or Iran, whichever pays more.
I will devour your babby because they cannot figth back.
Plus, Joe Biden has some stuff planned, too.

I won. Now you will all pay.
Bwahahahah.