Despite former United States Air Force veteran David Grusch proclaiming under oath to the House Oversight Committee that the military is in possession of crashed alien crafts, complete with non-human “biologics,” there has yet to be any concrete proof presented to the public of such claims.
As with every UFO story ever, there is a distinctive lack of physical, or high-resolution photo or video evidence. With that in mind, the public, and Twitter specifically, is desperate for one last detail to confirm once and for all that we are not alone: It’s time to see some green alien cheeks, dicks, and balls.
“The guy testified UNDER OATH,” @RobDenBleyker tweeted. “That means they gotta show us some green cheeks or he goes to prison.”
it's important to note that the guy testified UNDER OATH that the government has alien specimens.
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) July 26, 2023
that means they gotta show us some green cheeks or he goes to prison.
i don't WANT to see an alien's dick and balls, people. i'm saying we NEED to see them for certainty.
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) July 26, 2023
If the conspiracy theorists really want us to believe that aliens created crafts capable of traveling thousands of light years, chose to come here, and were dumb enough to crash them in remote parts of the United States, we’re going to need to see what those guys are packing.
“There's no other way,” @BlackheartSora agreed.
Its the only way we’ll TRULY KNOW. I mean just think about how easy it is to get an alien mask at Spirit Halloween but when was the last time you saw them sell alien dick-and-balls?
— CertifiedBeanEarther (@actuallymaxton) July 26, 2023
It's your journalistic duty to employ due diligence when it comes to genitaliens.
— Schmähdrescher (@RubenBruder) July 26, 2023
Of course, it’s possible that the need to see some alien privates stems not from the desire to confirm David Grusch’s reports, but instead from the human obsession with nudity and sex.
As @formal_twitch asked, “Where do we sign up to clap alien cheeks for science? Or get clapped, I'll try anything once.”
This is why aliens won’t contact the general public. Maybe offer to take them on a nice dinner first and then they’ll consider it.
— your trashy neighbor (@HollyBibble_) July 27, 2023
Just a lil nip slip would do honestly
— (@ItsLuckyPurr) July 26, 2023
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