Despite former United States Air Force veteran David Grusch proclaiming under oath to the House Oversight Committee that the military is in possession of crashed alien crafts, complete with non-human “biologics,” there has yet to be any concrete proof presented to the public of such claims. 


As with every UFO story ever, there is a distinctive lack of physical, or high-resolution photo or video evidence. With that in mind, the public, and Twitter specifically, is desperate for one last detail to confirm once and for all that we are not alone: It’s time to see some green alien cheeks, dicks, and balls.


“The guy testified UNDER OATH,” @RobDenBleyker tweeted. “That means they gotta show us some green cheeks or he goes to prison.”




If the conspiracy theorists really want us to believe that aliens created crafts capable of traveling thousands of light years, chose to come here, and were dumb enough to crash them in remote parts of the United States, we’re going to need to see what those guys are packing.


“There's no other way,” @BlackheartSora agreed.




Of course, it’s possible that the need to see some alien privates stems not from the desire to confirm David Grusch’s reports, but instead from the human obsession with nudity and sex.


As @formal_twitch asked, “Where do we sign up to clap alien cheeks for science? Or get clapped, I'll try anything once.”