The conversation about whether young people are still having sex and/or dating, and if not, why not, seems to be a never-ending one. For years, we’ve been hearing about how young people just don’t prioritize dating like they used to, a complaint levied against both millennials and Gen Z.


The data suggests that there has been a downward trend. More than 60 percent of American men in their 20s are single, more than double the number of unattached women. It’s not just limited to men, however — overall, young people today are indeed having less sex than their parents did at their age (a horrifying image, I know).



This phenomenon has had researchers searching for answers, which include the fact that most major milestones are happening later for millennials and Gen Z, thanks to factors like the economy and rising cost of living. One enterprising parent of a celibate 20-year-old wanted to go straight to the source for answers, though, and took to Reddit’s r/NoStupidQuestions to ask why seemingly none of the young people he knows are dating.


He wrote, “When I was in my late teens and early 20s, life for my friends and me revolved around meeting girls. My son and his friends, who are athletic and outgoing, don’t seem to put a lot of emphasis on dating. They play a lot of online video games, and have boys outings. Once in a while one will hook up with a random girl they met on an app. Rarely does one have a girlfriend. This seems to be the norm for my friends’ kids too. What is going on?”



Despite the easy opening for crass jokes, the comments were actually pretty illuminating. One person cited, “The death of inexpensive third spaces for people to just ‘hang out.’ The increasing online nature of relationships. A global pandemic exacerbating both.”


To that, the OP responded, “‘Third spaces to hang’ seems to be a recurring answer in this thread but I don’t recall a mall or a library ever being a normal place to meet girls. Maybe it was a regional thing. I grew up in Philly,” to which people pointed out that even the way people interact with strangers in coffee shops and bars has changed — all of that early-stage conversation and flirtation has moved to dating apps, and people are less likely to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bar now.


Other young people vented their frustrations about how dating culture has changed — everyone gets stuck in the talking stages and nothing ever progresses. One commenter wrote, “I can’t speak for everyone but personally I do really want to date. I just don’t have the energy or time and the few times I’ve tried in the last year it has just been a frustrating experience.” Their reference to a lack of energy or time hints at the impact capitalism has on our relationships; with many people working beyond normal 9-to-5 hours just to make ends meet, it can be difficult to find the free time or energy to try and meet someone, get to know them and take them out.



Another commenter, though, had a more positive outlook, writing, “People in their late teens/twenties much more focused on enjoying their youth (which, to some people does include dating, but to others, it does not) rather than trying to settle down as soon as possible.”


Whatever the reasons someone has for not dating, as long as they aren’t being a creepy incel about it, live and let live, IMO.